My First Kiss

Tuesday April 27^th 2010

Lemon Myrtle Oil. Give it a go. Nuff said.

Reminiscing, not staring into the eyes of nostalgia just remembering a time when………my first kiss, my first crush, first sexual experience, loss of virginity etc surely I am not the only one who remembers and giggles to themselves whether these experiences were funny, obsessive, traumatic, romantic or otherwise. You’d have to agree though that no matter how it was for anyone we all got back on the bike, eventually, then had the training wheels taken off and away we went, falling off a few times but getting right back on until before you knew it! Viola! You’re doubling or dinking your best friend on the handle bars, monoeing up your driveway and riding the bike letting go of the handle bars ‘LOOK MA NO HANDS!!!’

My first kiss I will always remember, I was 5 and his name was Dylan. It was in Tasmania (no not my cousin, brother, uncle or otherwise lol) not sure exactly where I was or why but I was staying somewhere that resembled a large Motel with my parents and they were there for something, a function perhaps. We were there for a few days if my memory serves me right and one of these days the adults were all to meet and those with children were to be minded in a kindergarten type situation so there I was, shy girl at best and expected to socialise and play with paints and read books etc when really I just wanted to be by myself. This day had come to an end and everyone had gone back to their motel rooms and prepared for dinner, I was wandering outside alone and was walking past the room where I was earlier playing (or pretending too) with all the other children and there was this boy, the same age as I, I was playing with earlier, dress impeccably ready for dinner perhaps, I stopped in front of him, the only thing separating us was a dolls house that was left outside the door to the play room. He lent over the doll’s house and kissed me on the lips; I froze, then giggled and turn around and walked the other way looking back and smiling. This I will never forget. Little Dylan gave me the first memory of a boy I will cherish, a simple yet darling of a memory that I will hold forever.

The second memory of a boy was a couple of years later, around the age of 7 and this one left me confused. I cannot remember his name but he was older than I around 11 or 12 yet physically mature for his age (definitely not mentally now I come to think of it lol) and was obviously a pubescent male who looked around 15 or 16 being tall, thick set and broad shouldered and was the son of a married couple that my parents were friends with. They were over one night either for a drink or dinner I can’t really remember very clearly but what I do remember about that night is my parents and his conversing in the lounge room and I came walking around the corner from the lounge room to go down the hallway to my room to play by myself and he jumped out of nowhere into the hallway and pulled down his pants and exposed his erection to me. I was gobsmacked yet slightly amused. Disgusting you think? Well from a very early age I was sexually aware, you could have likened me to a little Lolita (a name I later chose when I became a stripper in my late 20s) so I was already aware of a sexual desire although didn’t understand it but was aware how powerful this could be and of course in my teens learned more about this. So although taken aback at being about as tall as his abdomen and coming eye to eye (so to speak lol) with this raging hard penis I was slightly amused, then turned around hot faced and trotted back into the lounge where I would be safe. Maybe then I was excreting pheromones because this was just the first of many experiences with boys haha

My first sexual experience just like my first kiss I will never forget it so help me gawd amen! Her name was Michelle and she was a little tomboy, short brown hair, freckles from ass to breakfast time and those really thick coke bottle glasses. We were around 5/6 years of age and best friends. We did everything together for a while. And one day she came to me, grabbed my hand and let me to my room and said, ‘come with me I want to show you something’ now, I still to this day cannot say whether she was interfered with sexually in any way or just peaked behind the lounge a few too many times whilst her parents were watching sleazy 70s porn or just discovered this herself but what we did next changed my life forever and was one of the best things to ever happen to me, among many great things of course. She introduced me to orgasm. We never kissed, we never performed any well known sexual acts and we never poked or prodded each others little vaginas with our fingers or anything else for that matter so technically still virgins. What we would do was rub our pussies together until we orgasmed. I had no idea what and orgasm was or that this fantastic feeling had a name, all that I understood about what we were doing is that if we did it in a certain way for long enough it resulted in the most fantastic feeling. It was at this point I threw my Barbie dolls over my shoulder and preferred to play with Michelle. Thing is folks it was a rampant affair that went on for two or three times a week sometimes, for around a year or so!!! I kid you not! Our parents had not a clue what we did on sleepovers, afterschool or anytime we got to errrr *cough, cough* PLAY! Until one day she stole a mixed tape of favourite songs of mine, I saw it at her place after it went missing from mine and told my mum. She told me to invite Michelle around for a play one afternoon and she hit her with it and asked her if she stole it, she admitted to it with her head to the ground and my mother ordered that she go and get it and give it back to me, she did but after that I never saw her again. It was sad in the end but fortunately I had discovered how to achieve that wonderful feeling I later learnt was called ‘orgasm’ all by my little self, I was so pleased and then became a profuse wanker ever since!!!

Ok that’s enough for today I’ll give you all some more tomorrow if I have time.

Back out to the garden and I have washing to fold.

Stay tuned,

Me xXx

Make Love NOT War - Weren’t They Listening?

Monday 26th April 2010

‘Cordless rechargeable electric wine opener’ what the fuck is the world coming to if you consider this a necessity?

My weekend was full of erotic writings, gardening a plenty and time OFF the internet how was yours?

I have two days off and it’s amazing how many emails I accumulate in that time, geez!

I received an interesting email from a friend that I am yet to respond too and it has prompted thought ‘OH NO!’ you say (ok maybe you didn’t) ‘Robyn has been thinking again, what prey tell this time?’ thought you’d never ask and thank you I shall proceed. Disabled clientele in all their manifestation, or in other words the many types of disabilities from cerebral palsy to para and quadriplegic, spina bifida to different degrees of injury and/or birth defects in this list I have always included some mental disorders such as OCD, depression mild/moderate/severe/clinical etc, schizophrenia, multiple personality, the 4 main types of anxiety and panic disorders and others such as for example a mild level of autism and aspergers syndrome, however , I would like it to be known that I am aware of the legalities of taking on a client with mild to moderate to severe retardation and that is a whole other subject entirely but for today we will stick with the above.

NOW! After various experiences in my life from having an aunt who was retarded (May she RIP – she passed away when I was 17) and many visits to a childrens spastic and retard centre (my parents were friends with the people who ran the place) to play when I was young, to the many experiences I have had in my time as an escort with clientele having some of these mental and physical disabilities and more and although I am not yet qualified in some sciences such as my favourites Psychology or Social Science and Counselling and the many other areas it would qualify me to different degrees to comment such as nursing, aged care and disability care BUT I sure as hell do have an opinion lol!!! So based on my experiences and studies I will have that opinion thank you very much!

In my short time on this planet I have found the able bodied and sane people of the high, low and somewhere in-between intelligent quotient levels to be far more troubled psychologically in a different way than those with mental illness and physical and mental disabilities. It is for this reason that I don’t favour the use of the word disabled for me this word correlates well with other words such as defective, broken or temporarily or permanently out of order. Bullshit!!! I have yet to think of a substitute word.

The people I have and do know with different degrees and varieties of mental illnesses often have an insight that many don’t, are creative either in music, writing and expression of many other kinds but they do it in a different way and see and feel things differently, however, their pain can be great with the inner turmoil and degree of neurosis they carry, unfortunately. The physically disabled, for what they lack with their limbs, peripheral and sometimes nervous systems, motor skills and ability etc I find their minds to be an endless wonder and tree of many branches and yet their frustrations are real and we must empathise for sympathy is a contradiction and insult to them. Merely classical logic isn’t it? Not to say that the sane and able bodied and intelligent human beings should feel less human for not bearing a burden of mental or physical nature and the frustrations that manifest from this, I am saying that in my world these people posses something that many others don’t unless they have this experience. Society needs to empathise not sympathise, understand and not fear. So who’s really got the disability?

I will answer that email and make contact with this man seeking someone who understands and is willing, able and happy to see him.

I re-read the first of five emails I wrote for (and I will call him) Mr Elusive and I know you are reading this therefore know what that means and who you are *smiles* and I couldn’t help but hold one key on the cursor and the other manically working my clitoris towards orgasm. Fuck I am good at writing erotica I must admit!

I planted bok choi seedlings in my garden today and shallots and threw some more spinach seeds down also. Such a lovely day today I should get back into my garden.

I saw a client over the weekend who would like to see me regularly and likewise and isn’t that a big part of what it’s about? A relationship of sorts, yes? Gotta love it, I mean REALLY! It’s great when you get to know someone and both of you meet a comfort level. Makes me wanna have a little party inside myself wooohoooo!

For some strange reason I feel as though I should have made Anzac bikkies over the weekend and I know all about the respect we should have for the diggers etc and indeed I do I just can’t stand war of any kind. Over 3000 wars in around 2000 years and all of them, in my opinion, unnecessary and fuels my beliefs that we are the most destructive species on this planet. ‘Make Love NOT War’ weren’t they listening?

It’s Monday muthafukkas! Means I must mop my floors. Seeyas tomorrow or whenever.

Tip for the day: Be good to your mothers and look both ways before crossing the road.

Good day ya’ll xXx

Sleeping Orgasms - But Hey I’m Not Complaining!

Friday 23^rd April 2010

9.45am The sun is shining a bright and I need my sunglasses to hang out my washing. Back soon.

9.55am Finished stacking the dishwasher and cleaned out the cats bowls. Now chatting to my cousin and about to switch the tv on to watch one of the rare programs that interests me on the goggle box. I spent a good hour earlier this morning catching up on some email enquiries dating as far back as last September LOL and I do ‘Laugh Out Loud’ because it’s not me being slack its more a semi-retired point of view on things and I really enjoy the tranquillity that comes with it. OH! Gotta tell you all about what happened to me the other morning – I woke up shuddering with orgasm…….more on that later……

10.23 am Ok so it was Tuesday morning. I was having a wonderful dream of being at a friends house, a person that I don’t know and a place I have never been but in my dream I knew the place and the person including the person I was having sex with. In my dream the sex was wonderful and he made me cum 4 times and upon the 4^th time I woke up shuddering with orgasm. Now, this is not new to me it has been happening since………..well lets say many many years to put my finger on an exact time would be impossible but to hazard a guess I would say around or just before my teens at the onset of puberty. What is strange is that this is now happening sometimes once or twice a week other times once or twice a month so there is no real consistency, however in years gone by I would enjoy this experience once or twice a year!!! I’m definitely not complaining. There is the occasion where in my dream I am really frustrated and cannot achieve climax and wake up frustrated and horny but that’s nothing I can’t finish myself. I must brush up on my Pschoanalyitic skills and get my books out again and delve a little more into my subconscious. I am however wondering if I should take up practicing tantra sex with myself only, afterall if this is achievable in an unconscious state then whats stopping me from achieving this semi-consious or a pre-hypnotic consciousness? Nothing I’d say. I once had a girlfriend who, whilst on the dance floor of a nightclub claimed if she was horny enough could achieve climax whilst dancing! Isn’t the human body just amazing?

Back a little later it’s time for a workout and a pole dance.

11.20 am All sweaty now and getting hungry. I am having a weekend off the net upon nightfall today until Monday morning so my friends chatroom trivia this Sunday won’t be happening, we’ll skip and take it up again on Sunday 2^nd May. I have a nice little prize up for grabs for the winner of the next trivia.

I have been drinking a lot of green tea that past months and have started infusing it with my herbs, todays blend has lemon mint, mint, sage, lemon thyme and basil in it and it’s surprisingly good.

I am ready to do my exam for my nail technicians course and when I come back from Adelaide next month will start working on setting up an at home salon and very much looking forward to this new venture.

I am almost finished one of my books and really, really should start my book reviews (all adult industry related of course)

Ok it’s 11.20am and I am going to have an early lunch – leftover soup.

2.56pm I just picked a strawberry from my garden and ate it, delightful it was. Planted more pea seeds and upon close inspection of my herbs I have noticed two tomato seedlings have risen to attention from my homemade compost, I must pick them tomorrow and reward them with their own little pot. Gotta go my boyfriend (James Reeson from ‘Alive and Cooking) is on very shortly and will be cooking up a storm! Gawd I love him!

I just scolded a regular of mine like a child for having the memory of a goldfish – our thing is a set booking week to week at a certain time unless he is busy or something comes up and needs to cancel or change the day/time or vice versa of course but I never cancel this booking but am shuffled around like a deck of fucking cards by him every week just about and growing tired of it. Anyhow, if any of you had this arrangement being a set day and time each week for over a year and had the client call you every fucking week, sometimes two or three times a week asking when our booking is supposed to be wouldn’t you lose it eventually? I told him to put it in his phone with an alarm set and to stop calling/txting me and asking!!! In his defense he IS a little slow (learning difficulties etc) but how much can a Koala Bear? Honestly!?

3.33pm About to sear my lamb shanks and vegetables then mix in a tomato and rosemary sauce with other seasonings and herbs and pop it in the oven, I think I might serve this with potato and chive mash, yes, yes I shall.

I really should go upstairs and put all my shoes away that I emptied out of one of my rooms about a month ago lol women truly do have different degrees of shoe obsession don’t they? I have pairs I have either never worn or worn once maybe twice, sheesh! Heels, flats, hooker boots (CFM, thigh-highs etc) stripper plastic shoes, ones with buckles and zips, cowgirl type boots, strappy heels you name it!

I won tickets to watch a stand up comedienne (live) next week how good is that? Not often I win something.

5.23pm Surprise, surprise! My regular just txt me asking to change his booking time because he was ‘going away’. I refused and told him we are skipping it this week and that I am not a deck of cards to be shuffled all the time and whattya know? I get a message back saying usual day and time was fine then, guess he decided not to go away? Told him I had a date with a nice gentleman I met recently so can’t do sorry lol………………geez!

Well that’s it for me for today peoples I am going to put my lamb in the oven and prepare my potato and chive mash and get ready to turn my computer off for the weekend I have decided to be internet free and have a break until Monday. So it’s ta-tar for now kiddies!

Have a great Anzac weekend whatever you are doing wether it be a marathon DVD weekend with friends, camping with family, having sex with one or many, or merely relaxing and if you have to work all or part of the weekend and don’t get a long weekend then SUCKERS! Kidding! Your time will come.

And that’s a big 10/4 Roger! Over and out! xXx

Feminism - Where To From Here?

PART THREE

Thursday 22^nd April 2010

‘…my thoughts on todays feminism and where we could be headed’ were my last words, regarding feminism in Mondays diary post. It’s easy to regurgitate what we research and read but to make a careful, calculated prediction takes a little more effort and cannot be googled my friends and although the internet is the worlds biggest library its psychic and analytic ability is nil for it is past and present information you will find. My posts on feminism of late haven’t at all done it justice and I feel Feminism deserves a capital letter and there be enough information on the subject to fuel a thesis, however, let us ponder for a moment. We have the painful truth and subjugation of women down through the many thousands of centuries, in varied societies, communities, cultures and traditions. The forced submission and consent through fear. A shocking realisation in the late 1800s of the need for change and equality. Anger and frustration fuelling powerful and passionate debate for the rights of women during the 1960s and 70s. Finally, a third wave encompassing new and fair balanced arguments including the diversity and growth it deserves with an all new acceptance of the decisions made by women as being choice and no longer are they of the view that sex workers, porn stars, strippers and adult industry workers are merely subjecting themselves to being exploited, a black woman working in a factory can be a preference of work and not slave labour, a choice to be a stay at home wife and mother or to work from home or for someone, a young Asian woman looking after her elderly parents can be as a conscious decision and not necessarily submitting to a patriarchal ideal. Of course there is no doubt in my mind that some sex workers are indeed being exploited for whatever reasons as slave labour does still exist and both men and women can often adhere to traditions and ways in which some of us may see as exploitative, unfair, unjust or simply unfair, we have come a long way and still we have a way to go but so far as feminism is concerned the plight for equality will remain until in all professions we are paid equally, domestic violence towards women significantly decreases and the recognition and importance of female input is considered as paramount to make up the whole.

Although we still have a small battle to fight it is great to see more women attending and graduating from Universities hence the increased levels of female CEOs of major companies and business owners, managers, employers, women in research, construction, overseeing major contracts, engineers, professors and the like with the option to be a wife and mother and/or any of the above guilt free and happily. They right to be recognised as a lesbien without fear of being labelled as having penis envy and for what it really is - natural choice for some and preference as is with a gay man.

I remember, around the age of 3 or 4 years of age, my mother reading me Cinderella for the first time and of course wanting to be her and then it came to the end of the story where Cinderella lived happily ever after in a castle with her handsome prince and had children and I remember thinking ‘what next? Is that it?’ I knew then and there it wasn’t natural, for me, life had to possess far more than just this, how could this be expected of me!?

Are men confused about where they stand in all this? Probably. Are they hesitant to open a door or pay for a meal anymore? Quite possibly so. If they are prepared to have the door opened for them occasionally and a meal paid for by a woman occasionally then what is there to be afraid of? Nothing.

To all the wonderful gentlemen who have taken time to read my rants on feminism please rest assured that women have never and will never want to take over, wear your pants, fight against or get to a point of misunderstanding your importance as in past times our needs and wants have been misunderstood and not heard. All we want is equality and if you have trouble understanding that in all its manifestation then you are most likely to never understand the true meaning of Feminism.

I am proud to be a woman but more importantly proud to be human and just like YOU I am lucky to be alive.

I must remember to put new batteries in my vibrator.

And on another slightly different note lol I would like to add that I have a growing fondness and admiration for muscat and dessert wines mmmmmm *as she pours herself another*

Really tired of all this rain it’s only good for sex, soup and sleep, possibly in that order too!

Nite nite vegemites xXx

Feminism - First Wave Then a Tsunami?

PART TWO

Monday 19^th April 2010

What changed? Time – and with time all things change, evolve………..even that lamp that grandma has had in the corner for 46 years may look the same but over time it has gotten frail with the seasons. All things change and so did the next movement of feminism. The next wave of feminism changed and feminists and their mission differed from their predecessors. Firstly, to understand feminism we must visit the political, economic, legal reasoning behind the first movement towards equality and protection for women and their interests such as; the right to vote etc and to challenge social norms. To best sum this up would best be put as a will to fight for basic gender equality. The first wave of feminism arose in the late 19C to early 20C. The second wave of feminism arose throughout the 1960s and 1970s it was loud it was proud and had to be heard! From the protests and marching to chaining oneself to a public bar waiting to be served as the bold and fearless Germaine Greer once did, among other things to the next movement that came about in the 1990s until present times. The third wave was in response to some of the misgivings and mistakes of the previous two movements and although in the 60s and 70s there was a recognition by feminists of the many widespread nationalities, religions and cultural influences of women it wasn’t until this third movement that acknowledged and renounced some of the conflicts of the previous two and perceived a new diversity and in this change and new wave a balance has formed acknowledging that there is not just one ideal in the plight for equality but many. My next instalment is more about my thoughts on todays feminism and where we could be headed.

Bye the way, my BDSM booking on Friday morning was a lot of fun, although emotionally draining I have noticed, in terms of giving a different side of oneself in order to achieve the desired results……….but is this not a big part of a whole when referring to sex work and its practices? Yes, yes I believe so and then we turn another page. We had a cooking lesson involving hot wax, spatula and wooden spoon imprints (short term lol) and picking up genitals with BBQ tongs just like a good ole Australian snag lol. Of course the usual blindfolding, tying up, spanking and fucking with sex toys was essential. On the day. Nudge nudge wink wink.

I will leave you all today with a lovely little piece:

‘As in rainfall, tiny contributions come together to give a powerful river that in time sculpts the landscape.’ Edward de Bono ‘Handbook For The Positive Revolution’ (1991, p. 161)

Talking about sculpting I need to go do my nails,

CYAS!

Feminism Is Not a Dirty Word

Friday 16^th April 2010

PART ONE

Feminism. A word that makes some men cringe and leaves some women confused. In its third wave now feminism has taken shape from its desperate measures and prolific standings from Germaine Greer to a powerful understanding and meaning including the real depths and measures of equality (although we have a way to go still) and the realization that being an at home mother or even a sex worker is by all means a choice and no longer an expectation.

This subject came to my attention yesterday when reading a very interesting blog post. As a feminist it’s something I have always thought about. I have no doubt the lady behind these writings possesses a thought process that is stimulating to my mind therefore no hesitation in saying that I will indeed read more of her blog in time without fear of never having my beliefs and thoughts challenged in the most delightful ways. Brilliance is not just found illuminating from a light bulb. In case you are wondering you can find her work here http://myecdysis.blogspot.com/2010/04/birthing-new-feminism.html she mentions two kinds of feminism, the feminism of issues and the feminism of our lives. I couldn’t agree more. Although, upon reading she expresses so much more on so many topics. Please do take the time to read.

To rewind somewhat, we must visit a time of expectation, a long time ago but this period lasted far longer than it should have and did more damage for the lives of women and their sons and daughters leaving a battle bigger than Ben Hur having many of the first two waves of feminism feeling like pushing shit up a hill in order to be heard and more importantly understood. Was it cultural, natural, a gender or societal issue? I think we could make a chunky, hearty and painful soup from all the above. I am visiting the beginning of time until the late 1800s and then the 1960s and 70s onwards from 1990s until now. Culturally still today and in many societies women and in many cases children were and are considered second rate citizens for a diverse variety of reasons. When this very culture of learning is instilled it will continue to be practices and even law in some places. From women required to walk 10 paces behind a man, to being stoned to death for even so much as being suspected of adultery to being denied education to having no legal grounds to have her husband prosecuted for rape in their own home. Surprise, surprise this does not always take place in third world countries or where some religions require these unfair practices, no my friends it has been and is still occasionally in our backyards! Oh the horror.

So, what changed? If you put a puppy dog in a corner and poke a stick at it for long enough it will defend itself eventually, its called survival sooner or later it is natural for the fight as opposed to flight response to takeover in this type of scenario.

TO BE CONTINUED…………. (I have an early morning BDSM booking where I am thinking of using some kitchen utensils this time, will give you an update)

The Sweet Sounds of Nothing

Thursday 15^th April 2010

To enunciate ever so eloquently a formidable disposition or stance on one or a number of subjects, ideas or principle objects of focus and attention takes effort in both delivery and construct. Viewed by some as merely dull and lacking the kind of substance that many forms of entertainment and visual art may bring, yet to others this very deliverance could suggest a depth of understanding, purporting futile points passionately and with depth and meaning. The real challenge in this is to both entertain and sustain, giving pleasure to the pleasure seeker and stimulus to the thinker. I would like to think my diary achieves this and holds both audiences. In other words, people who are interested in the trivial, considered meaningless me amble and small pursuits of life as I know it to be, from day to day events, the small and entertaining little nothings in my life, entertaining and suggesting a human or humanistic existence. To others I attempt to take on a journey into my mind of existential existence, executing intrigue, value without simplicity, after all, how does one simplify complexity? Ironic? Why would this desire exist when trying to appeal to such a composite, I think not.

There needs to be more influence and participation from modern day philosophers in todays politics to simmer then extinguish the problems arising from the egocentric and competitive nature of both men and women in parliament. It was once a strong opinion of mine for the need for more women in this mix, however such typical feminine behaviour of following in the footsteps of the bullyboys arose as politics gained more women. Could this be seen as a repetitive submissive behaviour in an attempt to be seen to be doing as I say and as I do in attempt to remain? Ahh the sweet sounds of nothing. Stepping back to amuse oneself in thought it could then be surmounted the likeness of a kindergarten lunch hour after red cordial has been dispersed. The need for strong intelligent women is now may not only be desired but the importance urgent. Not only women but gay, aboriginal, young and old. Add a few philosophers and we may have progress. So far so many women in politics have failed yet no so miserably as man.

That’s enough rambling for now kiddies, my tummy is warning me of the desire for food and my body aches to be naked and in the sun.

Bye bye for now my precious beings. If you’re not being then you’re not living and if you’re not living then what are you here for?

Smelling Like A Woman

Wednesday 14^th April 2010

30 questions for trivia done and ready to go, phew! It’s not an easy task you know, thinking of various questions and topics to base these questions on, researching these topics then structuring the questions to make it hard or rather harder for the players to Google based on how the questions are worded. Took me close to 4hours to do this hence the phew! Looking forward to Sunday evening and seeing who wins this weeks prize. Please register to my forum to be able to enter my chat room and read all about this weeks prize and what time trivia is on.

Currently I am cooking spaghetti bolognaise or as most Australians refer to as spag bolg or sketti bog – with a selection of dried herbs and herbs from my garden, red wine and other assorted ingredients with a no wheat pasta (damn you food intolerances!)

I’d just like to put this out there - I saw a regular client today who called first and asked if I was wearing any perfume today. He requested I didn’t and I would like to take this opportunity to tell all men who utilize the services of escorts the same thing I told him. If you don’t want to go home smelling like a woman then what you do is have a shower (that is always offered – by me anyhow I cannot speak for other sex workers) before you leave. Now, I am aware that some escorts provide mens cologne or deodorant for you to use and some ladies even choose to wear it themselves but for me (and me only – again I cannot speak for everyone) if you are attached (to another – person that is in terms of a relationship of some kind) then why would you want to go home smelling of mens cologne or deodorant that you most likely don’t have sitting at home? (pure coincidence if you do) women are not stupid. Be fucked if I am going to sacrifice smelling all girly or womanly and lovely being a part of the preparation that makes me feel sexy and desirable because you cannot be fucked stepping back into my shower to wash me off! I have a very wide selection of designer label perfumes I am proud of and like to wear for me and for YOU. End rant.

Of everything I have in my bar why do I have 3 full bottles of shitty tequila that I don’t drink (ok maybe except for the rare margarita lol) my friends should know Vodka is the nectar of the gods…………alright maybe it’s not but it should be. In the words of Homer Jay Simpson ‘Doh!’

I totally missed Jimmy Barnes recently. Apparently he was playing in a pub only a couple of suburbs away from me.

My bolognaise/bolg/bog is waiting my approval before serving, gotta go kids!

Til next!

Glass Half Full or Empty?

Tuesday 13^th April 2010

I’m hungry and 3.30am is not the time for breakfast. What does one snack on at this time of the morning?

From 1am my two domestic shorthair cunts of cats decided it was time for a party. Time to chase each other up and down the stairs, in and out of the linen closet (the eldest learnt long ago how to open it) and play demolition derby/WWE style wrestling up against my bedroom door. NOISY ASSHOLES! I woke up and scolded and smacked them both and went back to bed muttering something about it being like having kids then couldn’t get back to sleep. So here I am Mother who aren’t in heaven, may pissed off be her name, as sleep should be done on earth and in bed……….blaa, blaa amen!

Can I put my order in for a toasted chicken and cheese sandwich? I really should just have a piece of fruit.

They are still at it, my cats, having a party that is.

Cooking should be an Olympic sport, I am very happy that pole dancing is.

Do you buy organic, free range eggs? You should you really, really should.

Ask yourself – in the event of an emergency (fire, flood, tsunami, cyclone etc) what is the first thing you would take with you upon fleeing for safety? I once asked someone special to me this question and they replied with, ‘you’. How cool an answer is that???!

I could masturbate that might help me to go back to sleep again, or have me up for hours watching porn. Oh the dilemma! There is certainly not a lack of past and present hookers online on Facebook at present I could converse with. Ahh hooker time = anytime they like.

Irony is Ricky Martin admitting to the world what the world already knew, was he the last to know? Who was he trying to convince? Shake your bon bon boyfriend! It’s totally OK

Anyone else been watching old re-runs of Seinfeld? Seriously funny show for its time. I think all the actors were superbly picked for the parts they played, I have no particular favourite, I merely favour them all as a group of friends rather than individuals, and they bounce off each other beautifully and come together in a lovely symbiosis.

Glass half full or empty? I prefer to drink out of the bottle myself.

They should totally bring back ‘Monkey Magic’ I miss him lol

If your reading all the above at this precise time then GO TO BED!

I am going to go back to bed and try for a second round of sleep.

I rest assured that if you adore me or dislike me you’re still thinking about me, have a think about that!

Good night my salacious friends or is that good morning?

With fondness and desire,

Moi xXx