The Teacher and the Student

Thursday August 27th 2009

To have a duplicate persona that is different yet one and the same I have found to be handy among other things. This ‘other’ persona has been my little light in more recent times, my saviour and my sweet personal little mystery. Although being 100% ‘out’ as a sex worker over the past 5yrs using my real name and hiding virtually nothing has had so many benefits it wasn’t until this year I found myself craving a little (sometimes a lot) of anominity. Having a different persona allows one to be more of oneself and the using the duplicate only when necessary. The benefits of being myself over the years are far and wide but it’s something you cannot go back on.

Giving and receiving I am convinced is overrated. A good teacher will show the student how to catch a fish. The student then gains valuable knowledge in order to continue to survive rather than having one solitary fish caught for them for one meal. How does a teacher know when their methods have been fruitful? When the student can demonstrate that very skill and proficiency in doing so and doesn’t need them anymore? What if the student found themselves catching a fish they were forced to kiss and throw back time after time through lack of knowledge and practice because they didn’t listen? Is this the fault of the teacher or the student?

There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence I feel. Confidence feels wonderful for both the bearer and the audience – the flow and display, the air and grace of a bird in flight well practiced and always at ease, rarely if ever doubting its ability. Confidence is something to be admired.

It’s the very disruptive nature and dangerous murky water that sucks a personality into a bottomless pit like quicksand…….behold arrogance – loud and cocky with an insecure derivative, rearing its head when trying on the shoes of confidence only to find it has grown prematurely too big for its boots. Bathing in false attention and trying its hardest to be accepted for something it clearly is not.

Last night I cried. I chose to lose a friend rather than remain and try to familiarise myself with a change in their personality one that doesn’t fit (read trying to put a square block into a round hole) although I am harsh in my decisions, rather than forgive I try to deliver a message, a lesson in learning if you will, unfortunately this is often at my own expense also and I end up resenting that person more as a result of those very decisions – tis not the first time and won’t be the last – one of my faults and I own it and am guilty as charged. My student, my friend, still has much to learn.

I have read a few more hooker books this year and intend on doing some book reviews. The highlight this year has been ‘Nasty Girl – Sex Secrets of a Young Madam’ ISBN: 978-1-84739-630-3 couldn’t recommend this book enough although the last two chapters were of a grave disappointment; however, we are all entitled to our opinions are we not? Therefore, so is the writer.

I have been in my new home now for approximately 5months. Away from ‘High-rise Heaven’ or could that be ‘High-rise Hell’ There are a few things about this place that never cease to amaze me namely, I have 3 toilets and regularly read my books on at least two of them! My new home backs onto the bush and lately have been leaving out fresh meat for the crows, lovely birds, so confident and sleek, feathers so shinny like a new black sports car, curious yet weary birds with beautiful green eyes. There is one in particular that wants to communicate with me so he has demonstrated. If he could talk I am sure he would ask me my motive with the food and in the same breath allow me to know how grateful he is. I am certain the bird is male as male birds are always the prettiest – how ironic is nature?

Having not travelled in sometime I recently arrived home from a visit to Cairns and Townsville to see some family and regular clientele that I hadn’t realised until I saw them all how much I missed them. I almost caught up with a couple of girlfriends I haven’t seen in close to 15yrs!!! OMG! Next time we shall re-unite.

I have started a new book and will let you all know how that one went also when I start my Hooker Book Reviews.

For now it’s adios my friends but never finite……….